Day Two (Adulthood)

I-do-not-like-the-cone-of-shame

Yesterday I was talking to a friend from school. We were talking about graduation and post-graduation plans. This friend is a little younger than me and has a couple of years before he has to face these questions and dilemmas. At one point he made the statement that I was the first friend he knew who had graduated college and joked that I was now officially an adult.

Ever since he made that statement, the idea has yet to unlodge itself from my brain. It keeps echoing around the walls of my mind non-stop. I am an adult now. I have grown up. Today is my first day facing the dreaded “real world”. There is no more hiding behind the grown-ups, no more safety nets, and no more comforting structured environments. The pathway is gone. Now I must forge my own path, write my own story, and live my own life. It’s time to stop checking boxes off some universal timeline. The map is gone. It’s time to start creating the legacy I want to leave behind. As Hamilton would say “I am not throwing away my shot”

But adulthood is scary. The idea that right now is the beginning of the rest of my life is daunting, overwhelming, and downright terrifying. But at the same time it is liberating, freeing, and unbelievably exciting. I can finally stop reading book after book about hero’s going on adventures. I can stop living vicariously through television characters. I can stop burying my head in the sand and merely dreaming of a better tomorrow. The future is completely open to me right now. It’s finally time for me to make a difference. To put my stamp on the world. To have the adventure I have waited 22 years to have. It’s time for me to start living a life that is authentic, bold, and unabashedly me. 

“ Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying, and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can’t stop wanting. I wanna fly somewhere in first class. I wanna to travel to Europe on a business trip. I wanna get invited to the White House. I wanna learn about the world. I wanna surprise myself. I wanna be important. I wanna be the best person I can be. I wanna define myself instead of having others define me. I wanna win an have people be happy for me. I wanna lose and get over it. I wanna not be afraid of the unknown. I wanna grow up to be generous and big hearted, the way that people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. It’s not that I think I’m gonna get all these things. I just want the possibility of getting them.”-Tyra Collette (Friday Night Lights)

Am I scared for the future? Absolutely. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. But mixed in amongst those feelings of apprehension and nerves is a mix of excitement and exhilaration. The time is now. I may have to face the real world now, but the real world also has to face me. So look out world. You’re not going to know what hit ya.

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