Day Twenty-Two (CallBacks)

Legally Blonde Tour

After a great audition, there is nothing more terrifying than waiting for the callback list to be posted. After a terrible audition, there is nothing more terrifying than waiting for the cast list to be posted. No matter how you slice it, the wait is agonizing. I have never experienced another type of wait quite like it (serious illness and the like notwithstanding). Even if you get a callback, the cast list is still terrifying. Will you get the part? Will you even get cast at all? What part will they cast you as? The role you get determines the course of the entire show. And, of course, if you bomb your audition…it’s nice to know whether you’ll even be in the show at all.

The wait for these lists can become unbearable. I remember that by senior year I’d stopped even looking at the lists. For the school play, I gave up after I didn’t get a callback. So many people were called back that I figured this meant I was cut from the show. Imagine my surprise when I was sitting outside by a tree with my best friend and she casually brought up the fact that I had rehearsal that afternoon. I was shocked, ran across the building to check out the list, and lo and behold there I was. For the musical, I didn’t even check the callback list. I just started getting congratulations in class and I stood there in utter confusion. Until one of the girls noticed my quizzical expression and explained that I was on the callback list. I was utterly perplexed and happily shocked. It’s been years since I had to go through those kinds of waits. The last two shows I auditioned for were so small that every single person got a part. The only question was what part I would get and who I would be working with.

But now we’re back to the beginning. The callback list for my audition yesterday came out this afternoon. After the debacle that was last night, I didn’t make the callbacks. No surprise there. The callbacks are tomorrow. The cast list comes out Thursday afternoon. Just to prolong this agony. I keep trying to tell myself, again and again, not to get my hopes up. If only I could just know now so I could deal with the crushing disappointment and be done with it. I know, despite how hard I try to discourage myself from getting my hopes up, I will most definitely scan the cast list in the hopes of seeing my name. I’m not excited for the inevitable crash. Which is why stretching this out is nothing short of mental and emotional torture.

Waiting for the callback or cast list is agony. It just gives you a couple of days to relive the audition in your mind over and over again. To exaggerate the little mistakes and to doubt the triumphant moments. To wonder which were more obvious. To wonder if you were good enough, what the directors want, and to analyze the competition. It gives ample time for self-doubt, insecurity, and over-analyzing. It gives extra time to get your hopes up before the probable crash. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. People say interviews are bad? I’m honestly not even worried. It can’t have anything on the torture that is the musical theatre audition process.

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