Day Forty-Nine (Night-Time)

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I am a night owl. Always have been. Probably always will be. When I first wake up, I am this bottle of misery, sharp barbs, and angry glares. I don’t want to be awake, I don’t want to be around people, and I hate everything. I am a force to be reckoned with early in the morning. I never did well in first period, first block, or early morning classes. I was lucky if I could even stay awake. Just doing exciting things early in the day always leave me wanting more. It’s too damn early for my adrenaline to be working.

But late at night? Late at night is something I can do. I like being up late. I like the quiet feeling of knowing that a great percentage of the world is asleep. I like that feeling of silence, darkness, and of being utterly alone. I like being with other people at night. It feels less like “oh my god people, ew” and more like “look, bonding and friendship and we’re all together”. My thoughts make more sense. My emotions are stronger and more intense. I remember joking with a friend one morning about some late night texts. I joked that 1am is when I get philosophical, 2am is when I get nonsensical, and 3am is when I get downright poetic. I’ve pulled all-nighters before, just for fun.

On top of this, most of my favorite stories come from late-night adventures. Play practices that went well into the night. Hillel and Fencing adventures, which always took place in the evening or night. Parties that only got good once it got dark. I remember going with a bunch of fencing friends to a diner my last night. I remember watching the sun go down through the window of the restaurant. It was the coolest thing. I loved show weekends and tech weeks, because that’s when rehearsals would go into evening and night. I’m just naturally happier, more true to myself, and more inspired by the night than I am by the day.

Tonight I had a night shift at work for the first time in awhile. The difference between a night shift and a day shift was staggering. I was awake, ready to work, and actually enjoyed handling a crowd. I was energized, happy to be there, and not excited to go home. For the first time in the longest time, I felt like myself again. Just happy to be around other people, doing something, and working. Happy to just be me. This was the shift I was used to. This was the shift that felt more like play than work. This was the shift that actually made me like my job. It made a world of difference.

I don’t know if there is any psychological data to backup my claim that some people legitimately are day people, while some people are night people. I’ll look into it. But I definitely feel at my best, my happiest, and my most fulfilled during the night. Almost all my worst memories have happened to me during the day. All my best memories took place at night. There is a certain magic and mystique to night. It’s like a heightened reality. I’m honestly instantly happier just by the time of day and the color of the sky. Well, until you get to the real late crying session. “Night Me” is a lot more dramatic than “Day Me”. Either way, this has been a really great epiphany I came to tonight. Maybe I can use it in the future to help improve my reality.

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