Day Fifty-One (Introversion)

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I am an introvert. There is no doubt in my mind that I love spending time with myself and I recharge by being alone. The longer I spend surrounded by others, the more drained and exhausted I feel. Everyone has their limits with socialization. Mine just happens to be shorter than most. I love hanging out with friends, interacting with strangers, and being around other human beings. What I don’t like is being around people for too long. It’s tiring, overwhelming, and irritating. As a person who has spent most of her life as a quasi-mute, a person who has intense social anxiety, and a person who spends the majority of her time alone…being around people for too long is a chore. Socializing takes effort and work. It has never come easy to me.

I remember in college, when all of my friends were too busy to hang out, I would often have to spend time with myself. I considered those to be some of my best days. One of the highlights of my week was when I would take a two hour break to grab a quick lunch and read in the backseat of my car. For two hours, nobody bothered me. All that remained of the world were my thoughts, my feelings, and my imagination. It was wonderful. I can spend an entire day just reading books, listening to music, and watching television. In fact, that’s what I consider a day of recharging. After recharging I feel much more like myself and ready to face the world again. But I need that time alone to refuel or I get very nasty very quickly.

These past few days have been exhausting. I’ve worked retail Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I’ve been on, working, and attempting to be social and friendly. My body, mind, and emotions are all ready to collapse. I’m ready to snap at the slightest inclination. In a perfect world, I would spend the next two days sitting outside reading, writing, and spending some much needed alone time. As is, I’ll probably be doing more work, interning, and stressing over an upcoming interview. But, for right now, sleep sounds like a fantastic option. Even writing this entry is taking energy at this point. It’s probably a good idea to sleep off the anxiety, tension, and social fatigue. Things will look brighter in the morning.

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