Day Eighty-Three (Inner Demons)

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I am not going to talk about my inner demons. Some stories are best left unsaid. But the idea of “inner demons” is an interesting one and something that I believe we all have at least some experience with. It’s not something we speak about often. Perhaps we open up to a few close friends, but even that is dependable. Inner Demons are the heavy shit we carry around with us. The memories that are best left in the deepest recesses of the mind. The stories that we’d rather forget. The mistakes that haunt our deepest thoughts

Okay, this all sounds very dramatic. Especially with the awesome demon artwork. But “inner demons” can be all sorts of stuff. It could be something you’ve done or something terrible that happened to you. It’s something that negatively affects you that you can’t let go of no matter how hard you try. The dark thoughts that keep you up late at night. The source of your insecurities. The things you wish, more than anything, that nobody will ever know. Depending on life experiences and personality traits, inner demons can have a wide range. There’s only one constant. We’ve all got them.

The side effect of returning to my past yesterday was a heavy dose of nostalgia. All sorts of nostalgia. Some great memories and some not-so-great ones. The not-so-great ones I’ve tried to bury deep into my subconscious and forget about. I’ve told myself “that’s not me anymore” and left it behind. But it still affects who I am today. It still influences my current troubles and woes. It still, to this day, holds me back. Inner demons are persistent like that.

The worst are the demons that never got good closure. Closure, as far as I can tell, is the only full-proof cure. In most cases, I’ve done everything in my power to get that closure and move on with my life. But in some cases that’s just not possible. In those cases, you just have to live with the unended story. With the open-ended mistakes. Let the regrets turn into lessons. It’s either that or let them eat you alive.

But the thing about inner demons is…they’re usually a part of the past. Something you did wrong. We all learn to live with them. And maybe that’s okay. Nobody is perfect and nobody should be. We’ve all done some good stuff and we’ve all done some bad. It’s what makes us human. Maybe we all hold a little piece of heaven and hell within us. It’s what makes the choice to be good that much more impressive.

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