Day Ninety (The Emoji Movie)

z10

That’s it. I’ve had my moment of perfect despair. I’ve hit rock bottom. It is only up from here. I can not express in words how utterly terrible this movie is. And not in an entertaining way. It’s boring, makes no sense whatsoever, the character’s are godawful, the jokes aren’t even remotely funny, and it’s just plain insulting half the time. I think there’s some cynical message somewhere in here, but I can’t think too deeply about it. The movie clearly doesn’t. It’s boring and uncomfortable to watch. My brother and I came to hate-watch it and…well, I expected to love it. In the “this is hilariously terrible” way. Instead all I felt was despair. I couldn’t even get worked up enough to be offended or angry. It was that awful.

On top of it, tonight was the first time I went to the theater on a Sunday night since the fun manager quit. My two least favorite manager’s have taken his shift. And I’m pretty sure the one manager thinks that I was seeing this movie because my taste is that bad and not because I wanted to see it ironically. So that’s just great.

After the events of yesterday, I didn’t think my emotional state could sink much lower. But seeing my two least favorite managers, followed by an absolutely horrid movie, may have finally tipped me over the edge. This, right here, is rock bottom. It’s only up from here.

If anyone is reading this, I implore you not to see this movie. Please don’t waste your time on it. It’s not like “Chicken Little”. It’s not laughably bad. It’s offensively bad. On top of everything, it thought it could be “Wreck-It Ralph”, “Inside Out”, and “Spy Kids 3-D”. No. Those movies were all much better. And yes, I’m including Spy Kids 3-D in that list. I have never seen a movie this utterly crappy. They cast fucking Patrick Stewart as the poop emoji. How dare they. This isn’t a movie. It’s a blatant ad with no thought, no purpose, and no meaning. This movie is hell.

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