Day Ninety-Two (Hormones)

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I don’t know what this says about me. But I don’t get cramps and I don’t get irrationally angry when my time of the month comes. No, the way I can tell is more…depressing. I can tell because my thoughts start to go like “what am I doing with my life. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. I’m not prepared at all for this world because I’m a piece of shit. Nothing will ever get better again oh life is a miserable joke”. The thoughts get scarily existential and mildly suicidal. It’s the only time I’m like that. Usually, fortunately, I can catch the fact that this is hormones talking. It helps that these thoughts are almost always followed by “wait….why was I sad again? Hang on…”

See, I don’t get the whole stereotype that women faint at the sight of blood because we’re so dainty. We bleed like crazy every single month. And it’s not like little splotches. It’s like a rainfall of blood pouring out of your body in massive amounts. I don’t see any guys putting up with that. The whole stereotype is ludicrous. I know this affects different women differently. But it sucks for all of us.

Camp begins in 4 days. At least I don’t have to bring a bathing suit. The reason I speak of this today is because my thoughts are currently too muddled and hopeless and depressed to make any logical sense out of how I feel about today or what I even did. Mostly because they’re depressing for no reason other than mood swings. Fuck periods. They’re terrible. 0/10 would not recommend. Hopefully I’ll be in a less tumultuous mood tomorrow.

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