Days One-Hundred-Thirteen/One-Hundred-Fourteen (Friendship)

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“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me”-Doctor Who

I could go on and on about myself. Both my flaws and my strengths. I spend the majority of my time with myself and my self-image is very important to me. My relationship with myself is the most important relationship in my life. But, if I’m honest, my friends have always been the best of me. I’m including family in this as well, by the way.

Last night, I hung out with my parents and my brother. Today, I went to a rehearsal for the show I’m in and laughed and joked around with my fellow cast members. Tonight was also a fencing practice for my friends still in college. I’ve been feeling rather lonely lately (a side-effect of life moving on while I’m still standing still, I suppose) and I’ve been hesitantly reaching out to friends. I don’t want to bother them as they continue their wonderful and exciting lives, but I also sometimes just need to talk to a friend.

When I look around at my friends, both close friends and acquaintances, I can’t help but feel extremely grateful and honored to call all of these amazing individuals my friend. They’re all such independent, intelligent, funny, compassionate, and inspiring individuals. The fact that they see me as a friend too never fails to astonish me. I’m an awkward potato who over-thinks things, creeps people out, and is socially awkward as fuck. I’ve been pushed aside, forgotten, and underestimated my entire life. The fact that these unbelievable individuals have made the decision to be my friend…I’m eternally grateful.

As I sat in rehearsal tonight, I couldn’t help but feel the strangest bittersweet emotion. Bitter, because I know that my college crew are mostly together tonight. While I’m not there. I do not know whether I will ever see them again or where and when that may or may not happen. It kills me to know that my dysfunctional makeshift college family is continuing their lives without me. I can’t think about it too much without getting really really sad. But at the same time, being back in theatre is so sweet. I am in a show again! I’m in a show with people I’ve known for years who I also consider friends! We’re all bonding and having a blast! As I walked through the different rooms in the building tonight, I heard the echoes of other rehearsals going on, rehearsals that other past friends and crushes are participating in. It’s a truly awesome feeling to be back in the theatre world again; doing a show. I haven’t felt this rush since High School. It’s a great new adventure.

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, it is my friends who will have mattered the most to me. I’m a Hufflepuff, man. Loyalty and compassion is in the blood. When I was in Elementary School, I had to create imaginary best friends to fill the void created due to my lacking social skills. I was the weird loner kid who had to go to the guidance counselor to learn how to talk to other children. Look at me now. Even when I’m alone, I’m not really alone. My family loves me. My friends love me. And I love them all so so so so so much too. Whatever may come; I can face it. Because I know, no matter what, I have amazing friends who will support me. And I’m so thankful for all of them.

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